Exhausted

My uncle passed away from a heart attack 3 weeks ago and my grandmother passed away 3 days ago. Both were very unexpected.

Grief is absolutely exhausting. Holding it together a few hours at a time. Trying to be present instead of letting my mind wander to the memories. Praying.

It gets better, but right now it’s not. Not at all.

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Strikeout

Well I really struck out on bus seating today. I get on at the first stop so it’s always chance about who sits next to/around me. Today, unfortunately quite unlucky.

There’s a kid behind me, and by kid i mean probably 18/19 year old with the mentality of a 2nd grader. For the entire duration of my morning ride I’ve been trying to drown out his offensive rap music with my freshly downloaded acapella tracks. You know when someone around you is listening to music at an unhealthy level.. Blasting through their headphones so all you hear is a steady beat and slur of muffled words and sounds. Well it’s like that, only sans headphones so everyone around can understand the garbage.. In case that’s unclear, yes he’s been playing his music directly off of his phone for 40 minutes. And kicking the back of my seat.

Lucky for him it’s Friday and I’m working on kindness today. Maybe I’ll bring him my old headphones. Take a hint.

Growth

What you feed will grow. Where are you spending your time, energy, money and thoughts?

I’m on what seems like such a set in stone schedule. It’s easy to get in a rut and stop growing. I’m challenging myself to look at my life and see where I can push myself to do more for others and spend more time with God.

It is never a convenient time to start something new or add another thing to our life but if I don’t start now, I probably never will.

I read a book in college for my marketing class called ‘The Dip’ tagline: when to stick and when to quit. It was all about quitting things that hinder you from doing better things. Quitting is often viewed with a negative connotation that you’re not tough enough to handle it and giving up is the easy way out. “what doesn’t kill you, will make you stronger” When in fact, quitting is often the best thing you could do for yourself… Quitting a toxic relationship, giving up a destructive habit, leaving a dead-end job. Quitting involves realizing your time, effort and energy is more valuable and may be better utilized in another channel. There are times when you’re just about to overcome “the dip” and get past the uphill battle and should stick with it. The book draws great distinctions between these two.

Anyways, all that to say it’s important to look at where you are spending time/energy/money/thoughts and evaluate if that is the best/ most productive thing you could be doing. Quit the things that aren’t, and stick with the ones that are.

What you feed, will grow. What are you feeding?

The labor of love

Ohhh moving.

This weekend was my last trek down the 405 [for a while]. Dawson had training all day fri-sun, so I had some me/napping/shopping time. San Diego has some great shopping.

I also did some packing. Maybe it’s just that he has a lot less misc items, but it was 42768492 times easier to pack his stuff up than mine.

Ha, but I’ve decided that deflating a queen size air mattress by yourself is pretty high on the list of awkward things I’ve done. [oh and its not one of the small floor ones, it’s like triple high] You’re spreading your limbs in a million directions and balancing your weight..Trying not to fall, a lot like twister. And still getting swallowed by the sticky plastic. I don’t recommend this task to people with claustrophobia [mom].

The air mattress task probably added to the soreness. I feel like after moving you’re sore in muscles you didn’t even realize you had. Nothing a warm shower can’t fix.

So, now Dawson lives in Ventura and it’s wonderful. God is always blessing us, opening doors and providing what we never thought possible.

Look for opportunities to serve, pray for others, be kind to each other.